Inner Peace and Confessions from a New Mom

Last week I received a super sweet voicemail from a subscriber expressing appreciation for the emails she receives from me… the quotes, videos and other invitations.  Hope you feel the same way.

But, I have a serious confession.

While this truly warmed my heart… the truth is I feel I haven’t been contributing to my community as much as I’d like. 🙁  Not by a long shot!

Almost every day, I write to you in my mind — sharing distinctions about relaxing into inner peace in otherwise stressful situations, thoughts about living in the heart of the paradox of life, the value of an emotional meltdown or the importance of embracing our humanity.  All messages I’m keenly aware of these days as a new mom.

I also had intentions to share inspiring highlights from the 5-day Inner Peace Immersion Retreat I lead in April.  Truly life changing for many of the participants — and lots of fun too!  It has me wanting to lead another sooner than later.  (The bonus, my baby girl Shanti started sleeping through the night — 11 hours — at the Joshua Tree Retreat Center!  It has continued since then too…which means Mom and Dad are getting solid sleep these days.  But, I digress.)

Alas, months have passed.  It’s now time to humbly break the ice — and offer a more personal update (she says sheepishly as she warms up on the keyboard). Maybe those other articles will come later, maybe not.  But, for now… I’m just going to share. (There will be a valuable inner peace tip at the end… so maybe you’ll hang with me until then.)

Okay, here goes.

You probably know I had twins almost 10 1/2 months ago. Whew!!  What a ride it has been.  Intense.  Joyful. Demanding. Endearing.  Emotional. Heart expanding.  Humbling.  Challenging. Precious. Exhausting. And oh so, consuming!

If you have children, I know you get it.  And, now I’ve got a serious taste of it!  I really didn’t understand how much energy, love, TIME and presence was involved in caring for little beings.  I guess no one really does, until you dive in with both feet. I am in full immersion, that’s for sure.  It is getter easier and more fun by the day, as my confidence as a new mom grows daily and I’m surrendered to countless steps that make a day flow with twins who are crawling, climbing and babbling up a storm.

But lately…here’s what’s MOST challenging to me.

It’s the tug-o-war between mommyhood and business.

Tug-of-war

Working moms, I have a new respect for you.

Professionally, I’ve continued to coach 6-10 clients a month, and am currently leading a juicy, private group coaching program for graduates of my retreats called “Mastering Inner Peace” — and I LOVE making a difference in these ways.  It’s gratifying beyond words. And it’s a nice change of pace from breast-feeding and changing diapers all day.

In addition, I continue to share an inspiring weekly video and Your Daily Gem quotes.  I’m also pretty good about keeping a presence in social media, like Twitter and Facebook, but admittedly — these days, talking about babies and posting pics of smiling faces gets most of the air time — which isn’t exactly a deep conversation.

You’ve also seen extra emails from me when colleagues have webinars or telesummits that offer enormous value.  That’s one way I can contribute to you while I’m hugging and kissing babies.

In order to create space for maintaining our inventory of baby supplies, keeping the refrigerator stocked full of homemade purees and finger foods and to squeeze in the occasional shower, I’ve cut out virtually all media interviews — just last week I turned down 3 invitations, plus dozens of others over the past year. And I haven’t hosted a live call to my community in a year now.  Holy wow, I just realized that one!  Yeeeeeesh!  That’s SO unlike me!

But, I simply don’t have the bandwidth. (((sigh)))

Many could say, “Oh Mary, you’re doing great — especially given you had twins!”

Certainly, these little beings are my first priority, as I know you’d all agree.  BUT (((sigh))), as an entrepreneur with a passion for helping people experience greater everyday inner peace, I know I’m missing the mark.   I know I’m not the only resource out there, but still — not doing more tugs on my soul.

Fortunately, some of my best material is captured on the 5 home-study audio programs I created before the babies were born.  Yet, I’ve done very little to bring your attention to these (and that’s not the focus of this email either).  Another one of my frustrations.

On top of all this… there is a new unfolding and deepening to my work… and that’s going on in the background.  I’d love to share more about the 12 Facets of Inner Peace, but unless you’ve attended one of my retreats (or have the Inner Peace Infusion CD’s/MP3’s), you probably don’t know they exist.

And, to be completely transparent, sometimes I’m not sure if my articles, quotes, videos and programs are really making the kind of difference I know is possible. (((sigh)))  So, is it worth the effort anyway?

So, here I sit.

Present to my desire to make a difference in your life — and lean more into my  calling.

Present to my desire to be the best mommy I can be, and enjoy as many precious moments with these two little souls before they’re off to Montessori school in a few years.

Present to the little windows available in my life to accomplish all of the above.

I know I’m not the only one who has a tug-o-war going on inside of them.  Torn between multiple passions and desires, with seemingly not enough time and energy to engage with them all.  I used to believe in “you can do it all,” but I’ve recently gotten intimate with the limits of my capacity.

May we all have more compassion for our limits.

And so we sit.

Present with it all.  (((Breathe)))

I don’t have all the answers.

But, I do know this.  Sharing authentically with you is cathartic.  Naming what is — is healing.

Sharing openly is a pathway to inner peace.  (That’s my inner peace tip for the day.)

Give voice to the tug-o-war.

And when we do — it’s not about getting empathy, an atta-boy or answers.   I’m not sharing all this to get your permission to go be with my babies 24/7 — or encouragement to honor my soul’s work.  Just you reading this is — and seeing me, and hearing me is enough.  The act of self-expression is a pathway to inner peace.

The reality is I’m doing pretty well all things considered.  I have help.  I make self care a priority.  Both babies sleep 11-12 hours a night.  I’ve got systems that support my sanity.  I just have WAY fewer windows of time to dedicate to one of my passions in life.

I’m not sure what’s next for me.  More outpourings of life with twins?  More inner peace stuff?  Or ???   Guess we’ll both have to wait and see.

It did feel good to share all this with you.

In the meantime, thank you for reading this.  Thank you for being a part of my community and giving me the gift of being seen in all my humanity today.  Perhaps you’ll have a little more compassion for your humanity too as we all navigate the tug-o-wars in our lives.


Until the next time.

Here’s to your inner peace,

Mary

PS: To all the mommies, parents and caretakers in my community, here’s acknowledging YOU from the deepest part of my being for your investment in and commitment to your children.  (I hope you really take that in!)

PPS:  If you’d like to chime in on any of the above, I welcome your comments below.

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6 Responses to “Inner Peace and Confessions from a New Mom”

  1. BRIDGET

    Brilliant ! You are doing so well. As a Mother and a Grandmother (note the upper case letters there!) I can tell you that what you are giving to your children is more precious than anything else you will ever do in life. I know that’s a hard lesson for our egos to accept but it is true: once a Mother, you become a channel to enable the new lives to fulfill themselves. Tough for a wmona of today to accept but that doesn’t make it untrue.
    I once heard a quote form an elderly man way up in foothills in Pakistan. He said: My job now is to water the trees.
    Now, even at my age, i’m not quite ready to only that (literallly or metaphorically) But I know what he was getting at. In fact, I quite look forward to reaching that calm state of being – but not just yet, far too much I want to get on and do ! The curse of modern womanhood I fear.
    So, don’t fret. The world can wait. Your children can’t. They need you now, not when it suits you in time to come. And you know the other wonderful thing about we creative women ? We just keep on keeping on. Not for us the pipe and slippers by the fireside – that’s for that other sex. I have friends – artists, writers – who did it all, who do it all. We all just do it when the time is right – and that’s not when you’re a new Mum. Very best wishes, Bridget F

    Reply
  2. Debra Jason

    I’ve loved seeing the twins’ pics on Facebook. It’s a new journey for you and sharing it with us is joyful.
    Enjoy your motherhood.
    The twins are precious and you’re right, before you know it, they’ll be off to college!

    Hugs.
    ~Debra

    Reply
  3. Mary Allen

    So appreciate the comments. Transition of the heart… well put. And, I totally get that the way I’m making a difference in the world may be shifting a bit — at least for awhile. And such is life — we adapt, we flow, we keep finding our way.

    Reply
  4. Mena

    What a beautifully authentic share, Mary! There’s so much courage and power in that alone…and you had me in tears as I connected to your situation.

    May this serve as a reminder (for myself as well): we are always exactly where we are supposed to be. As far as missing the mark goes, what if you dropped that thought and any guilt associated with it? You are doing so remarkably well given the challenge of twins and everything that comes with it…honor and embrace that even more fully and have even more compassion. Relax into the knowing that you are doing the best you can in this time of expansion and newness and who knows how this experience will provide your clients with even more value in the future. Love yourself completely, TRUST Life and the Universe, relax and surrender into the divine plan…all is well.

    I am loving being in Cali and think of you often when I’m in the San Diego area…at the moment I’m just north of Santa Barbara, in the process of my next HUGE transition…and working on being able to move and launch my business with horses here…would be fun to chat/catch up at some point!

    Big hugs,
    Mena

    Reply
  5. AffirmingSpirit

    Mary, I think every mother who runs a business can relate to your post, and all of us are rooting for you knowing you will find the balance that works for you/your family.

    Growing up, I didn’t have a burning desire to own/run a business, but others saw it in me. Others kept expecting me to start a business. It wasn’t until the birth of my son almost 24 yrs ago, however, that I felt an overwhelming URGE to focus on my own well-being and the idea of starting a business rose up within me. I could feel holding him as an infant that it would be a great gift to him to be model for thriving.

    However, I was so frustrated those first few years feeling that pull between motherhood and starting a business. A friend gently suggested to me when he was 2 that I put that dream on hold until my son started all-day school. That’s what I ended up doing, and it was really the best of both worlds. I bonded deeply with my son in those first 5 years, and launched my business when I could spend all day focusing.

    Whatever you do, as long as it benefits you, it benefits your children and your family!

    Many blessings,
    Nancy

    Reply

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