Last week I received a super sweet voicemail from a subscriber expressing appreciation for the emails she receives from me… the quotes, videos and other invitations. Hope you feel the same way.
But, I have a serious confession.
While this truly warmed my heart… the truth is I feel I haven’t been contributing to my community as much as I’d like. 🙁 Not by a long shot!
Almost every day, I write to you in my mind — sharing distinctions about relaxing into inner peace in otherwise stressful situations, thoughts about living in the heart of the paradox of life, the value of an emotional meltdown or the importance of embracing our humanity. All messages I’m keenly aware of these days as a new mom.
I also had intentions to share inspiring highlights from the 5-day Inner Peace Immersion Retreat I lead in April. Truly life changing for many of the participants — and lots of fun too! It has me wanting to lead another sooner than later. (The bonus, my baby girl Shanti started sleeping through the night — 11 hours — at the Joshua Tree Retreat Center! It has continued since then too…which means Mom and Dad are getting solid sleep these days. But, I digress.)
Alas, months have passed. It’s now time to humbly break the ice — and offer a more personal update (she says sheepishly as she warms up on the keyboard). Maybe those other articles will come later, maybe not. But, for now… I’m just going to share. (There will be a valuable inner peace tip at the end… so maybe you’ll hang with me until then.)
Okay, here goes.
You probably know I had twins almost 10 1/2 months ago. Whew!! What a ride it has been. Intense. Joyful. Demanding. Endearing. Emotional. Heart expanding. Humbling. Challenging. Precious. Exhausting. And oh so, consuming!
If you have children, I know you get it. And, now I’ve got a serious taste of it! I really didn’t understand how much energy, love, TIME and presence was involved in caring for little beings. I guess no one really does, until you dive in with both feet. I am in full immersion, that’s for sure. It is getter easier and more fun by the day, as my confidence as a new mom grows daily and I’m surrendered to countless steps that make a day flow with twins who are crawling, climbing and babbling up a storm.
But lately…here’s what’s MOST challenging to me.
It’s the tug-o-war between mommyhood and business.
Working moms, I have a new respect for you.
Professionally, I’ve continued to coach 6-10 clients a month, and am currently leading a juicy, private group coaching program for graduates of my retreats called “Mastering Inner Peace” — and I LOVE making a difference in these ways. It’s gratifying beyond words. And it’s a nice change of pace from breast-feeding and changing diapers all day.
In addition, I continue to share an inspiring weekly video and Your Daily Gem quotes. I’m also pretty good about keeping a presence in social media, like Twitter and Facebook, but admittedly — these days, talking about babies and posting pics of smiling faces gets most of the air time — which isn’t exactly a deep conversation.
You’ve also seen extra emails from me when colleagues have webinars or telesummits that offer enormous value. That’s one way I can contribute to you while I’m hugging and kissing babies.
In order to create space for maintaining our inventory of baby supplies, keeping the refrigerator stocked full of homemade purees and finger foods and to squeeze in the occasional shower, I’ve cut out virtually all media interviews — just last week I turned down 3 invitations, plus dozens of others over the past year. And I haven’t hosted a live call to my community in a year now. Holy wow, I just realized that one! Yeeeeeesh! That’s SO unlike me!
But, I simply don’t have the bandwidth. (((sigh)))
Many could say, “Oh Mary, you’re doing great — especially given you had twins!”
Certainly, these little beings are my first priority, as I know you’d all agree. BUT (((sigh))), as an entrepreneur with a passion for helping people experience greater everyday inner peace, I know I’m missing the mark. I know I’m not the only resource out there, but still — not doing more tugs on my soul.
Fortunately, some of my best material is captured on the 5 home-study audio programs I created before the babies were born. Yet, I’ve done very little to bring your attention to these (and that’s not the focus of this email either). Another one of my frustrations.
On top of all this… there is a new unfolding and deepening to my work… and that’s going on in the background. I’d love to share more about the 12 Facets of Inner Peace, but unless you’ve attended one of my retreats (or have the Inner Peace Infusion CD’s/MP3’s), you probably don’t know they exist.
And, to be completely transparent, sometimes I’m not sure if my articles, quotes, videos and programs are really making the kind of difference I know is possible. (((sigh))) So, is it worth the effort anyway?
So, here I sit.
Present to my desire to make a difference in your life — and lean more into my calling.
Present to my desire to be the best mommy I can be, and enjoy as many precious moments with these two little souls before they’re off to Montessori school in a few years.
Present to the little windows available in my life to accomplish all of the above.
I know I’m not the only one who has a tug-o-war going on inside of them. Torn between multiple passions and desires, with seemingly not enough time and energy to engage with them all. I used to believe in “you can do it all,” but I’ve recently gotten intimate with the limits of my capacity.
May we all have more compassion for our limits.
And so we sit.
Present with it all. (((Breathe)))
I don’t have all the answers.
But, I do know this. Sharing authentically with you is cathartic. Naming what is — is healing.
Sharing openly is a pathway to inner peace. (That’s my inner peace tip for the day.)
Give voice to the tug-o-war.
And when we do — it’s not about getting empathy, an atta-boy or answers. I’m not sharing all this to get your permission to go be with my babies 24/7 — or encouragement to honor my soul’s work. Just you reading this is — and seeing me, and hearing me is enough. The act of self-expression is a pathway to inner peace.
The reality is I’m doing pretty well all things considered. I have help. I make self care a priority. Both babies sleep 11-12 hours a night. I’ve got systems that support my sanity. I just have WAY fewer windows of time to dedicate to one of my passions in life.
I’m not sure what’s next for me. More outpourings of life with twins? More inner peace stuff? Or ??? Guess we’ll both have to wait and see.
It did feel good to share all this with you.
In the meantime, thank you for reading this. Thank you for being a part of my community and giving me the gift of being seen in all my humanity today. Perhaps you’ll have a little more compassion for your humanity too as we all navigate the tug-o-wars in our lives.
Until the next time.
Here’s to your inner peace,
PS: To all the mommies, parents and caretakers in my community, here’s acknowledging YOU from the deepest part of my being for your investment in and commitment to your children. (I hope you really take that in!)
PPS: If you’d like to chime in on any of the above, I welcome your comments below.