Welcome to SoulFULLY Living #74...
(Click for HTML Version - www.lifecoachmary.com/issue74.htm)  Welcome New Subscribers! You may view ISSUE #1 at www.lifecoachmary.com/issue1.htm.  Click HERE for archived issues. Soulfully Living's intention is to deliver inspiring ideas, articles and resources that positively impact the quality of your life. 

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Warm greetings to you.  I'm back.  My intentions of getting a newsletter out before my wedding and honeymoon ... well, perhaps you understand.  We were blessed with a memorable wedding -- surrounded by friends and family we love, perfect weather, expert vendors and details that somehow fell into place just on time.  I truly understand why brides look so happy.  It's easy to exude joy and love on one's wedding day when you're pretty sure you're marrying your perfect mate.  Our 12 day honeymoon in Belize offered some much needed R&R, and quite a few adventures.  There are too many magical moments to share in one issue, but you may see a few of them pop up under the Magic Moments section.  We fell in love with Belize and the people so much that it will likely become a destination place for me to hold a variety of "Success and Inner Peace Retreats" and "Executive Visioning Venues" -- possibly starting in January.  And, John decided that having an office at the end of one of the piers, covered by a grass hut, would be the perfect place to conduct business a few months out of each year.  You never know.Many topics have been brewing, so perhaps you may be finding a few more Soulfully Living issues landing in your inbox over the next few months.

Introducing Mary E. Cole...

Of course, the other big question is -- are you changing your name?  At first I thought I would run with a dual identity.  Professionally, I could remain Mary E. Allen, after all -- I have a book with that name on it -- and while I know it's a limited audience, I wouldn't want to confuse people.  In my personal life, I would take on John's last name and become Mary E. Cole.  I didn't want to hyphenate.Well, I'm taking a leap of faith.  Trusting that everyone, including myself, will be able to adapt to my new name and the confusion factor will be limited -- I'd like to introduce Life Coach Mary, Mary E. Cole to you.  She's pretty much the same, only married to a man I adore so much I truly want to take on his name.  The old-fashioned girl in me is very alive.  I appreciate your patience, as I get settled into this new name and identity.

This week's features...

Fully Connected:  Connecting through Joy or Turmoil?  Creating a deep, meaningful intimate connection with another human being is something most people cherish.  In fact, many hunger for these moments.  I know I do.  There are many ways intimacy and connection is created between two human beings.  This article explores the many healthy and less healthy ways to create that magical connection.Magic Moments: Below Sea Level.  Magic Moments can occur anywhere, and they are even sweeter at 135 feet below sea level.

Next...
"Conversations with the Masters"

The next Conversations with the Masters is with Cheryl Richardson on June 20th at 12 Noon Pacific (3pm Eastern).  In addition to being a bestselling author of four books, Cheryl was the first ICF President and one of the first to receive the designation of MCC.  Many may remember the Life Makeover series she did on The Oprah Winfrey Show years ago.  She is an expert on Work/Life Balance, and I'm currently enjoying her latest book, The Unmistakable Touch of Grace.  I'm thrilled to have you benefit from her wealth of wisdom!  Pre-register by sending a blank email to Cheryl@PowerofInnerChoice.com .

NEW...
Success and Inner Peace Bootcamps
Starting in July...

In February, I launched a new program called The Success and Inner Peace Bootcamp.  This year-long coaching and life mastery program has been well received...and we're all having a blast.  I'm starting more Bootcamps in July.  If you'd like to have the support of a group for an entire year, email me at mary@lifecoachmary.com and I'll send you an invitation to review when the new schedule becomes firm. In joy and love, Mary (Allen) Cole, CPCC, MCC            SUBSCRIBE/unsubscribe

Let's look at the variety of ways we have to connect -- or to relate -- to another human being.  We can talk about everyday events, facts, news, trivia, sports or politics.  We connect because there is a topic, experience, or thought that is in common.  Commonality creates connection.  I would call this a more "neutral" connection.  But, it gets us talking, and that gets us connecting.Some people connect through sarcasm.  This is another means of viewing the world in a shared way.  If you "get" the sarcasm, the thought or idea is shared.  It seems to be a language in and of itself.  

Sometimes we connect out of JOY, when a loved one graduates from school, receives professional recognition or promotion, has a baby or gets married.  Celebrating a moment in life, Memorial Day, 4th of July or Thanksgiving gives us a reason to come together and connect.  When the feelings are genuine, like seeing a friend finish their first marathon, it's a beautiful connection.  When we feel obligated to show up for an event or holiday out of habit, the connection is lessened.  However, even then, there is something sweet about getting together for an obligatory event. Space and time is shared, there is still purpose in coming together.We also come together in times of strife.  An ailing family member, divorce, accident, addiction, illness or even depression can trigger new connections or deepen old ones.  While these aren't joy filled times, they are meaningful.  People often experience an added closeness with a family member after a serious accident, or going through the death of a parent, with a spouse or sibling.  People in Alcoholics Anonymous often create lifelong friendships because of the shared addiction and recovery.  Being there for each other during a crisis means a lot and can strengthen and create connections between all those involved.One of my favorite ways to connect with people is through growth.  Much like working through a tough period, those on a personal growth path find connection in sharing breakthroughs, insights and new levels of awareness.  Numerous communities all over the world have formed because of a concentrated effort on growing.  Coaching thrives on this type of connection (something I love!).Perhaps on the opposite spectrum is connecting through what I call "lower energy" realms.  Complaining, gossiping, blaming or otherwise commiserating about life is often effective at creating connection.  Certainly, I've found myself stepping into this mode when wanting connection with another -- and not seemingly having a more optimal means of doing so.Connecting is wonderful no matter what the path, and I don't want to minimize any form -- even complaining (let's face it, sometimes we do this as human beings).  They are all a part of life, each creating connection in their own unique way.  These connections often stimulate healing and nurturing.  However, if given a choice -- are there more healthy and optimal ways to connect than others?  When meeting with a stranger or family member, do you gravitate toward one means or another?   Is it easier to connect by sharing a complaint about the screaming children three seats back on the airplane or to share your joy about family and your amazing life?  Fortunately, I'm blessed to have friends that connect predominantly from JOY, a "high energy", positive manner.  I admire them so much!!  Sharing their joys, successes and breakthroughs puts a genuine smile on their face, and simultaneously allows me to enter their world.  They seem to get as much joy from my success, as I'm experiencing.  Their reciprocal joy actually enhances and deepens my own joy.  Happily, this was my experience at my recent wedding.  How wonderful to connect in this way!!The friends that habitually connect in this positive manner are my role models.  Yet, even knowing I'd prefer to connect with someone in the "higher energy", I notice my desire to connect with someone sometimes seduces me into connecting with another in those "lower energy" realms.  I've found myself being sarcastic when I'm not normally a sarcastic person.  I've found myself complaining about the screaming kids to create conversation.  I find myself sharing a personal hardship story (lower energy) to bridge my world with another's.   Isn't it great when two people understand each other? Connecting through TurmoilTony Robbins says it's common, and even addicting, to connect with others by relating to the hardships of life.  When we can both relate to being victim, there is connection. Commiserating about government policies, having a partner who fell short of your expectations, going through a financial hardship, feeling frustrated in growing your business, or surviving a life-threatening disease creates a genuine human connection.  We may even continue to stay in a victim mode to keep this path of connection open.  Would we still have this sweet connection without our story of hardship?Conversely, one breast cancer survivor said she stopped telling others she'd had breast cancer because she didn't want the empathetic connection -- she wanted to relate to others in a more positive manner. Why don't we connect more through JOY?In childhood, many of us learned that bragging about oneself isn't a good thing.  Sharing a win could have someone feel bad because they weren't experiencing the same joy in their life.  Maybe they weren't making the kind of income I was, or weren't in a great relationship.  Perhaps we've been conditioned to minimize our joy.  Perhaps we're just not practiced in connecting through joy.  Perhaps this is a worthwhile pattern to shift.Everything is a CHOICE.  Bringing awareness to the numerous ways we can connect, gives us power.  How do you connect with others?  More importantly, how do you WANT to connect with others?

Soulful CHALLENGE:  I'd like to give us all more permission to CONNECT DEEPLY through joy, both in sharing your own, and in hearing the joy of others.  Notice how it feels.  Perhaps a bit uncomfortable if other means of connection are your default.  Stick with it.  With each joyful sharing, allow another to enter your world a little more deeply.  As you listen to another's joy and successes allow yourself to experience an even deeper connection with this person.  May we all enjoy connecting through JOY a little more each day.

Magic Moments Below Sea LevelI haven't SCUBA-dived in five years.  However, John and I were on our honeymoon in Belize, as rests the world famous Blue Hole.  The Blue Hole is a near perfect circular diving site, 1000 feet in diameter and 472 feet deep with clear, deep, dark blue water.  It seemed like "the thing" to do in Belize.  It was recommended that we do a day of "warm-up" diving to prepare for this "advanced" dive venturing to 135 feet.  John has over 100 dives under his belt, and I've always been comfortable in the water as I spent the first half of my life on swim team.  We skipped the warm-up.We were picked up by water taxi at 5:15am.  After gathering adventurers at several other docks, we boarded the cruiser to take us on a three hour ride to The Blue Hole.  It probably wouldn't have been so bad, but one of the locals had described her dive experiences at The Blue Hole as always being "creepy"  -- thus my nervous levels were a smidge high.  Maybe the warm-up dive would've been a good idea?  Fortunately, I didn't get seasick on the ride out.It was finally time to trust the breathing apparatus and jump in the water.  Yes, I could do this.  And, no I've never been 135 feet below sea level.  Relax.  Remember to breathe -- in and out.  We quickly descended, and it was indeed, a beautiful coral wall. But, the real treasures were even deeper.  The reef angled slightly at first, then went straight down. Somewhere straight down there, the temperature of the water dropped sharply and the word "creepy" began echoing in my mind.  It was a bit "creepy."  Then a  realization set in.  The only thing keeping me alive was this plastic apparatus clenched in my jaw, connected to this tank on my back.  Holy Moly, could I really do this?  The thought of quickly zipping to the surface did cross my mind, however the word "bends" reminded me that wasn't a good idea.  Belize was once well above sea level, forming gorgeous stalagmites and stalactites found deep in the ocean.  Before I knew it I was face to face with these thousand year old rock formations.  We were at 135 feet!My eyes were as big as saucers.  The dive master confirmed that later on the boat.  John must've sensed my angst, and gently reached over and held my hand.  Suddenly, 135 feet was magical and serene.  We gracefully swam in and out of the stalagmites and stalactites.  It was very cool.  Holding on to John's hand was a welcomed security blanket.Just as I was feeling "sort of" comfortable, someone pointed.  I saw two sharks weaving back and forth.  I looked at my depth gage and we were now at 80 feet.  The sharks were squarely overhead.  I thought, "That's plenty of distance."  I also thought, "Okay, that's nice...let's keep a moving."  Depth perception is a little off in water.  There were also more than two sharks.   There were probably three dozen!!  

I quickly found my security blanket, and kept reminding myself to breathe.  I eventually got used to the idea of being in the water with these gigantic fish with black tipped fins swimming just 30-40 feet away -- deep in the ocean -- with me.  Suddenly, that serene, peaceful feeling returned.  Swimming with sharks is a cool experience, especially when they aren't interested in having you for lunch.  And, especially when your new husband is holding your hand.

If you'd like to make a contribution to one of our topics areas in SoulFULLY Living, please email mary@lifecoachmary.com, we're always looking for valuable material to pass on to our readers.

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