Welcome to SoulFULLY Living #69...
(Click for HTML Version - www.lifecoachmary.com/issue69.htm) 
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Welcome New Subscribers! You may view ISSUE #1 at www.lifecoachmary.com/issue1.htm.  Click HERE for archived issues. Soulfully Living's intention is to deliver inspiring ideas, articles and resources that positively impact the quality of your life. 

Greetings.   Hope you are settling into this Fall season as the weather starts to cool, days become shorter and school resumes.  4th quarter of 2005 is upon us all.  It's good to be back.

Book Tour Highlights 

Highlights from the book tour were plentiful.  Reconnecting with dear friends, connecting with so many new ones and engaging in thoughtful conversations were among the most cherished of the adventure.  Other highlights include - The Rittase's firepit, Left Bank's calamari, an Amtrak ride, seeing the Amish people (they really do still use the horse & buggy!), a memorable fire-walk at the UPW, yoga & workshop at Wendy's studio, witnessing the closing ceremonies of the Breast Cancer 60 miles walk in Philadelphia (SEE MAGIC MOMENTS), learning to navigate on the New Jersey freeway (oh my!), taking a wrong turn down Lincoln Tunnel at rush hour (a 1.75 hour detour and opportunity to practice "being at peace" under duress, but got to visit Manhattan that day), an outdoor lunch at a posh cafe in Toronto on a gorgeous day, being seatmates with a bookstore owner and bookseller on two separate flights (synchronicity at its best), meeting my Virtual Assistant for the first time (Jean's been working with me for 3 years), experiencing a Wisconsin Badger football game (nothing like it!  Badgers are now 5 - 0), revisiting my sorority house and finding our composites still in the halls (20 years later!), and spending time with my friend's families and kids (I'm inspired to have my own now).  And, of course, I spoke nearly non-stop about The Power of Inner Choice at most junctures.  It's pretty fun to tell people you're on a book tour.  Hearing lots of stories about how the book is impacting their lives is also rewarding.I'm grateful to Learning Annex, Rotary International, The Yoga and Healing Center, bookstores everywhere and my friend's Kate, Wendy, Catherine, Kris, Don, and Mary D, for hosting me along the way.  Thank you!

Another change...

Post-book tour, I'm embracing yet ONE more change.   My fiance is now working closely with his brother to expand his business in southern California, and we'll be spending the majority of our time in Oxnard (about 25 minutes south of Santa Barbara), through February 2006 or so.  Spending time in various locations for weeks has warmed me up to this temporary living arrangement.  The four weeks apart from my Sweetie has made it clear that "being with John" is much preferred over long distance communication.  We got settled this weekend in the guest house, and we'll be keeping our Los Gatos place in the meantime.  Learning this new area has been another fun adventure.  It's nice to create a new routine.

Feature Articles

SoulFULLY Being - Choice or Habit?  When life delivers a plethora of unexpected and unpleasant surprises, it can be easy to react.  We're conditioned to be stressed by traffic, irritated by incompetence, angry at another's rudeness, and frustrated when plans change.  We are conditioned to respond in certain ways.  Yet, there is always a choice.  Isn't there?Magic Moments - Breast Cancer Walk Closing Ceremonies.  You may find yourself inspired by this week's Magic Moment.  Commitment in action.  Kate, Christine, Paula, Alice and others are an inspiration.

Conversations with the Masters
OCTOBER 25th at 12 Noon PST
( in just TWO WEEKS...)

The next "Conversations with the Masters" - featuring the Peter Rengel and Anne Watts of The Human Awareness Institute (HAI)   Come deepen your understanding of "Love, Intimacy and Sexuality."  John and I had an amazing experience at the latest Couple's Workshop, and HAI has been one of the most significant influences in my life.  Now you can get a taste of HAI and begin to learn about this beautiful resource and essential principles for loving relationships.  Tuesday, October 25th at 12 Noon PST (3pm EST). REGISTER today.  HAI@powerofinnerchoice.com 

Visit www.lifecoachmary.com/hai.htm for more information and an article.  

Q & A
Virtual Book Signing
The Power of Inner Choice
Tuesday, November 15th
12:00 Noon - 1:00pm PST
(3-4pm EST)

Everything is virtual these days, so we're having the first ever, "Virtual Book Signing."  On Tuesday, November 15th from 12-1pm PST, you're invited for a live Q&A featuring The Power of Inner Choice.  Bring your questions, get coached, and learn more about applying The Power of Inner Choice to your life.   To register, send a blank email to yourvision@powerofinnerchoice.com .

Discussion Forum is LIVE

What creates lasting change?   Integrating key concepts and ideas into your life over time.  One of the structures to support you in doing this is The Power of Inner Choice Discussion Forum.  These message boards allow you to post your lesson assignments to deepen your commitment, and hold you accountable to the lesson.  It's also a great way to be inspired by others.  Share your ideas and explore the lessons with other like-minded individuals who are committed to living a powerful life of choice.  Visit www.powerofinnerchoice.com/forum and post a message today.  I'll also be making comments and offering coaching on the boards.

Happily,

But, who says this is how we "should" be reacting?  Is there an alternative choice?  Is there a more effective way?  Or are we truly helpless victims to life's circumstances?Let's take traffic, standing in line or changing diapers, as examples.  Who do you know that LOVES traffic and consciously seeks it out as a form of pleasure?  Who  LOVES standing in long lines?  Who would choose to change dirty diapers as often as possible?  Okay, not many.  It's commonplace to commiserate with others in line, or complain about the horrendous commute as though we'd completed an "Ironman Triathalon."  Sharing war stories about sleepless nights, and endless diapers are also common stories.Yet, being miserable in line, traffic or diaper changing  doesn't actually accomplish anything, except for creating internal stress and negative emotion.  Last I checked, the traffic doesn't respond to a loud voice, fidgeting doesn't magically result in speedier lines, and babies do poop -- often.  In addition to the damage internal stress has on our bodies, this "habit" of reaction cuts us off from our true source of power and internal freedom.  When we're caught up RESISTING a situation like these, our HABIT is stronger than our power to choose.  When we're reacting, we're not choosing.

Why do we react?

If it doesn't LOGICALLY make sense to react in these situations, why would we keep reacting?  Good question.  Yet, we're somewhat innocent.  We've watched our parents react and learned on TV how people react -- typically.  We've grown to see drama as a way of life, something we can't avoid.  We are creatures of habit and conditioning.Another influence that keeps our reactions and habits alive is our need to connect with others.  As human beings, especially today, we've become a society that connects through our misery.  It's become one of the most popular ways to bond and create intimacy. Complaining about how our spouse didn't do this, and our boss yelled, and how the lady at the store was rude gives us an opportunity to connect with another because it's a common shared experience.  Some workshops or support groups focus almost exclusively on the "what's wrong in our lives" as a means of perpetuating change.  But, this too, leaves us looking for, and expecting things to go wrong, making our reactions acceptable.Some of us also learned early on, that when we get upset SOMETIMES people pay attention to us and give us what we want.  Many business owners would swear that nothing would get done without their strong reactions.  With a significant other, getting upset when we don't get what we want, often influences our partner to change.  Perhaps these habits are engrained within us and spring out regardless of its effectiveness.  Is it really the best way?

Alternatives

So, if we aren't reacting to traffic, long lines, dirty diapers, rude or incompetent people, or spouses who fall short of our expectations, what would we do instead?  1.  Get present.  When we react, we get caught up in emotions and thoughts that take us away from the situation at hand.  Our reaction is often related to survival.  It's almost never a true life or death situation.  Stop for a minute.  Clear your mind.  Reconnect to your body. Reconnect with the present moment by engaging your senses.  Focus on what you appreciate here in THIS moment.   When we "get present," it's easier to remind ourselves that "we are okay, right now in this moment."   From here, you can objectively look at your present circumstances, and make a new powerful choice.2.  Reality Check.  Realize "what IS" and "what can be changed"?  Once present, let's do a reality check.  Sometimes there are options.  And, sometimes it's about surrendering to what is.  If we're "in reaction,"  seeing the alternatives is tougher.  This is why a reality check is so important.  As long as we're in reaction, by definition, we'll be fighting the reality of the situation.  It's ALWAYS more powerful to align with "what is" first and foremost.In traffic, is there a faster alternative route or is it time to surrender to bumper to bumper traffic?  Is there a faster line?  Can you come back another time?  Or is this an opportunity to choose peace?  Is there an alternative?  If not, then CHOOSING a more peaceful alternative is best.

SERENITY PRAYER
God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

3.  Choices, Choices, Choices.  There are always more choices than we realize -- in ANY moment.  Even when we don't think we have a choice, we have a choice.As I realized I was committed to driving down Lincoln Tunnel at rush hour - with no exits - what were my choices?  Be upset and frustrated?  Or, to consciously relax my body, take in the experience,  notice everything there was to notice, and catch up on some phone calls?  In line, I've struck up conversations with others, or just used the time as a moment to relax, breathe and not do anything.  Sometimes just being entertained by other people's frustration is enough.  With a dirty diaper, this may be an opportunity to connect with and care intimately for your baby.  Some women cherish changing diapers, knowing it's a short phase that will soon be over.  When someone is rude, get fascinated and curious about it.  Look at it with amusement.  Are they having a bad day?  Are you?  Perhaps compassion is a resource to access.  Someone didn't follow through with a job.  What are your alternatives?  4.  Choose Peace.  There are a variety of actions  and options available in nearly every circumstance, and the over-riding choice is an emotional one.  Once aware of a habitual reaction, are you choosing to stay in frustration in attempt to "control" the situation, or are you willing to "choose peace" and align with the situation?  Once we choose to surrender to traffic, the long-line, the dirty diaper, or any situation, challenge yourself to find peace in your body.  With intention, comes the experience.  The more you practice finding peace in everyday life, the easier it becomes to find peace in the more challenging moments.One of the most challenging habits I'm working on breaking completely is in relationship.  Granted, partners aren't always going to live into our expectations.  Recently, I've found myself questioning my impulsive reaction to "shut down," "get upset" or otherwise "withdraw love" when my fiance doesn't magically respond the way I want him to.  These are meager attempts to control or influence the situation, or perhaps resistance to communicating feelings.  They are conditioned reflexes or habits, until made conscious.  I asked myself, "Am I willing to choose love or peace, now?"  From this space, new communication flows.  While not always instantaneous, the intention to "choose peace" ultimately results in a releasing of the upset, and the fabulous state of inner peace returns again.

SOULFUL CHALLENGE:  Notice when your are reacting out of habit, and challenge yourself to consciously choose a new way to respond to the situation.  Play with it.  Share your experience with us by emailing me mary@lifecoachmary.com .  

What are you consciously choosing, 
right now?

Closing Ceremony at the Breast Cancer Walk.  In countless cities nationwide, committed men and women get together to raise money for a worthy cause - fighting the disease of breast cancer.  Friends invited me to the closing ceremony for a recent "walk" in Philadelphia.  Over 2000 "walkers," walked 20 miles a day, for three days.  Each evening, after arriving at their destination with aching and often blistered feet, they hiked to retrieve tents and sleeping bags.  They set up their own quarters, slept, all before hauling their items back the next morning before the next 20 mile walk.  Two nights of camping and three 20-mile walks completed the 60 mile journey. The closing ceremonies offered a final moment to celebrate raising over $6 million dollars.  Spectators and family created a 15 foot wide walk-way to acknowledge everyone involved.  350 volunteers came first.  Inspiring to see how many caring souls gave up their weekend to support this cause.  Next came the 2000 walkers, mostly women. The walk-way filled with blue t-shirts.  Smiles beamed proudly through the exhausted bodies of every shape and size.  Everyone clapped and cheered non-stop.  Nearly 20 minutes later, they acknowledged another set of walkers.  300 of the walkers were also breast cancer survivors.  And, finally a group came forth in acknowledgment of all those who had already been taken by the disease.As the final walkers came into the pool of cheers, each walker removed one shoe, and raised it firmly in the air and held it high.  These women and men are taking a stand against breast cancer.  They endured their own discomfort, so that one day, others may not have to go through the discomfort of breast cancer.  More than the people, the cheering, the $6 million dollars raised, was the spirit, energy and emotion of people who care in one place.  One cause.  One shoe.  One life.  Makes me realize how good and kind and generous people really are.

Share a Magic Moment of yours...email mary@lifecoachmary.com .